Bittersweet memories
by sasha skywalker
Summary: Severus Snape has always loved Lily Evans, even when she didn't trust him and left him to be with James Potter.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: This is written from Severus Snape's point of view. After reading the Deathly Hallows, I was so sad about Severus, and he became my favorite character ( apart from hermione of course.)

This part takes place during the end of the fifth year. Lily and Severus are both 16.

Lily Evans was unlike any other girl Severus had ever seen. She was gorgeous, smart, funny, attractive and a muggle. Severus never thought he would fall in love with a muggle, but here he was, at Hogwarts, and he was completely smitten. Lily had stolen his heart, and had almost shattered it into a million tiny pieces. Severus wished he hadn't fallen for her, because he knew that everything would just end in heartbreak. A girl like her would never want him for long. And yet, he dared to hope. He dared to hope that maybe Lily was different, maybe Lily would love him as much as he did her. For now, everything was right, and he was actually happy, something he thought he would never be.

"Severus?" asked Lily.

"Yes, Lily?"

"I love spending time with you. I wish we could just freeze this moment right now, and live in it forever." said Lily. Oh, Lily. There was nothing Severus would have wanted more in life at that moment. He didn't think that Lily was anywhere near understanding that to Severus, Lily was everything. To be able to spend all of eternity in this perfect moment would have been a miracle. Unfortunately, this could never happen.

"Lily, I would love that, but you know that we both have things to do in our lives. You are going to go down your path, and I will go down mine, and we cannot stop that. Somethings in life are just meant to be, and we cannot ever hope to change those things." said Severus, with an air of remorse.

"I love you, Severus." said Lily, looking up at him.

Severus leaned down and kissed Lily.

"I love you more than you could ever know, Lily, and that is why I have to seperate myself from you. Dumbledore has laid down plans for me, and you are not going to like what I have become, but what I am going to do could save many lives. You have to trust me. Good bye, Lily" With that, Severus walked away, leaving Lily with the taste of vanilla in her mouth, shattered thoughts and a broken heart.

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SIXTH YEAR. Severus is now a death eater, per Dumbledore's orders.

"Why do you hang out around those freaks, Severus? They are evil, and I do not think that you are truly like them." screamed Lily.

"Why do you hang out around that arrogant toe-rag Potter?" asked Severus in retort. "I told you last year that I am not choosing this. I am merely playing my part as a pawn! I told you to trust me, and yet you cannot even do that. I need you to do this one thing more than ever, Lily."

"Why, Severus? You do not have to be a pawn! Come back to me, Severus! I still love you." said Lily.

"And I still love you, Lilly, and that is precisely why I am doing this." said Severus.

Severus walked off with Dolohov and Carrow, while Lily was left with James Potter and Sirius Black.

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SEVENTH YEAR: Severus still loves Lily, but Lily has moved on to James Potter, and consequently, broken Severus's heart without her even knowing the difference.

Severus had always known this was going to happen. From the day he met Lily Evans, from the first instance he loved her, he had always known she would break his heart. People as wonderful as her did not deserve people as broken as him. Now Lily had given up on waiting for him, and had moved on. It was shame that Severus never could.

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The next update will be about after they leave Hogwarts. Please review and comment ideas! It means a lot to me! Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Severus had graduated Hogwarts as expected, at the top of Slytherin. The rest of his year passed as well. Severus only watched Lily, and she caught him staring and gave him a little wave and turned away. Lily hardly knew it, but every time Severus looked at her, his heart broke a little more. Lily had given up on Severus, telling herself that he couldn't be trusted.

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Lily was sitting at her window, thinking. Was Severus as awful as she said he was? Maybe there was something she wasn't giving him credit for... Lily couldn't help but think that maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on him, or that maybe she could've just asked him what was going on. Severus had been her best friend for 5 years, and had helped guide her through the first parts of her wizarding experience. It broke her heart every time she thought of the way he had looked had her before he had finally turned his back on her, forever.

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"Severus. Do you know where the girl is? Surely you have some evidence of where she is!"

"No... nothing, my lord." Severus was almost sure he would crack soon. He loved Lily, but He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was a formidable opponent, who knew how to crack Severus.

All he cared about was keeping Lily safe, and happy. And if that meant protecting James as well, then so be it.

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The day that Lily Potter died, the innocent school boy died with her. Gone was the boy who had shown his secrets to Lily, gone was the tortured abused boy, and in his place was a stone hard, cold man who still loved Lily, but couldn't bear to face her son. He might've taken him in, had things had been different, had he not been so close to the dark lord. If Hagrid hadn't taken the boy, if Sirius hadn't hated him. If only things had been different, if his role in the war against good and evil had been different... Snape would forever be filled with regrets.

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(end of chapter)

The next chapter (and final) will be the interactions and thoughts between Harry and Snape. Please leave a review and enjoy! Be sure to check out my other stories, and my profile! Thank you!


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